I was raised with the mindset that women are submissive to men. Men control the house, the money, make all the decisions, and the wife is just to put up with his demands because he is the man. You exist to make his life comfortable while sacrificing your wants and needs to complete his. End of story.

While I never bought into that nonsense, my inner diva has constantly fought what I had been taught my entire life. I let people control me- male or female. Either I let them rule me emotionally or I felt horrible when I stood up for myself and they reacted badly. Oh, I’m sorry I upset you. I just want everyone to be happy. And like me. JUST LIKE ME!   I will do and say whatever will please you.

Recently I started producing a show in the LGBT community. My cast is made up of mostly members of the community. The audience is mostly members of the community. I hang out frequently at the LGBT club that hosts the show. I have made new friends and feel like I am FINALLY part of a family. That I am part of a community.

When I was in my 20s, bisexuality was not embraced by the community. The mindset was, “Make up your damn mind. Stop being so greedy!”  In my 30s I was having babies and out of the scene entirely. Now I’m in my 40s and an active part of the local scene, thanks to the new show. I hang out at the club not only to watch the other shows, scout talent, enjoy myself, but also because I love the people so damn much. I have found the younger generation doesn’t care about sexual labels as much as my generation did. I am not an outcast because I love men and women. I’m appreciated because I’m me. Period.

I’m not naive. I know the LGBT community isn’t all covered in happy little rainbows. It can be bitchy, gossipy, backstabby, and filled with drama. The great thing about being my age is that I know how to avoid that crap. I don’t get sucked in and I don’t participate, nor do I fan the flames.

A straight male who knows me from my online presence complained in an email that I had changed since starting the new show. It made me annoyed at first. Then I smiled because 1. His comment annoyed me and I didn’t write him back to explain myself like in the past I sure would have done.  And 2. He’s 100 percent right. I have changed. For the better.

Those who surround me now love me for me. My LGBT friends love that I am outspoken, outrageous, that I dress crazy, act crazy, an poly, bi, and I like younger people. No one lectures me. I am praised for being true to myself. I am loved because of who I am and what I represent. No one tries to drag me down or hold me back. I am pushed to go forward. I am encouraged to do more.

I have also developed one hell of a backbone and one hell of an attitude when it comes to defending myself and standing up for who I am and what I believe in.

I have learned my value. I have discovered my worth. I am finally standing up for myself.

I learned learned how to be strong from my gay and lesbian friends. Never in my life have I had the courage to go tell some asshole guy to fuck himself after he treated me p0orly.  Now? I had a recent encounter with a man who was being outright rude to me on a date. Instead of keeping my mouth shut and thinking I had done something wrong, I went off on him. The result? He stammered and sputtered and then apologized. Now he won’t stop calling me. Not that I will pick up the phone or return his calls. Idiot.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not becoming a pain in the ass diva. I was already one. HAH!  No, I am just being a hell of a lot more assertive about speaking my mind when someone does me wrong. My tolerance for bullshit is set to ZERO.

I completely credit the St. Louis LGBT community that has surrounded me with love and friendship for one of the biggest changes I’ve ever undergone. I love the new me. I love that I finally matter. To myself. That I am FINALLY honoring my emotions. That I am so so so much strong than I have ever been in my entire life.

Thank you, my new friends. While I will always be young at heart, you helped me shed the last bit of scared little girl I had hung on to for way too long. This WOMAN is here, she’s FIERCE, and she will continue to lead with positivity, creativity, respect and love. And if the same isn’t returned? Buh bye!

Look out, world. Charlotte has finally arrived!

“Update your blog!  Update your blog!”

YOU update my blog, bitch!  Come type as I dictate and do the ten million other thangs I need to do at the same time.

It’s SHOW WEEK!  Which means I am FRANTIC and CRAZY and HAPPY and NERVOUS and WEEEE AHHHH ACK OOOOH!

Last Saturday Strip got moved up one week due to a Pride party being hosted on the actual last Saturday this month.  It’s been hectic. The club that hosts the show, Attitudes, has had some MAJOR shows lately that have required the performers to work extra hard on costuming, routines, etc.  My performers are stressed, but excited. There’s something about our show… and I’m not just saying that because I’m so damn in love with myself. We come together as a cast. There’s unity due to a sense of belonging to something positive. The show’s message is about sexual positivity through acceptance of alternative sexuality and positive body image. The audience GETS IT.  You come off the stage feeling like a star. You feel good about yourself.

Since it’s show week, my life is focused on all the last minute details that must be done before show night. Running such a large scale show as a one woman producer is challenging, but I’m so Type A it comes naturally. I work best alone OR as the ultimate person in charge. I’ve learned that the hard way over the years. My husband is my stage manager and truly holds us all together, especially on show night as I am performing and hosting.

The love/sex life?

meh

I’ve been trying to casually date a few boys but no one GETS how to date someone like me. It’s so Madonna/Whore and I don’t mean the singer. They just cannot comprehend that I want to DATE, not just hook up. That I need to be treated as they’d treat a single woman they are trying to woo. The guys who set up dates and then POOF- disappear is slightly alarming. I talk to other women who say the same thing. The blow off factor is high nowadays because we aren’t people. We are letters on a screen. Relationships develop much faster than they did in the past, due to technology. We cycle through people faster. The burn out is faster. There is truly a lack of respect as far as how to properly treat our fellow human beings.

It’s not just the young boys, mind you. The dudes 35 plus can be just as bad. Sometimes worse. I cannot count the number of older men who bitch me out because I prefer younger guys. This makes me think of my friend, Ogre. Ogre prefers thin women. Why on earth would I get in his face and tell him he’s WRONG because he doesn’t like heavier girls? He likes what he likes. And that’s ok! Sheesh, people. Live and let live.

Remember I talked about Asian Jesus? How I took him to Attitudes and he got all uncomfy and I didn’t hear from him for a month after? He texted me out of the blue and invited me to his place to watch movies. MOments later he cancelled. How about Sunday? Sunday came around. No response. He wouldn’t return my texts.

That scenario has been my typical dating experience as of late. Which is why I have given up for the moment. Which is why I’ll find someone wonderful soon. It always happens when you lose hope and walk away.

Now I must go run and tackle a million things, as it is Friday and the show is TOMORROW. WHEEE off she goes…

I have had quite a career. Radio. TV. Marketing. Motherhood. Some dabbling in Hollywood. Then burlesque.

Then came my attempt at Bio Drag Queening with a strip tease at Boot Camp at Attitudes Nightclub here in St. Louis, MO just a few months ago.

I. Loved. It.

I wanted more.

I WANTED MORE!

But where? Where could I do that?  Cuz it wasn’t full on drag and it was more drag than burlesque. Who would want more of that?  I’d have to create my own show to do more of that.

Wait. Would that work??? A show?? Just for… THAT?

I sent a text to Charles Spinks, a young friend of mine who was working at at Attitudes Nightclub, where I had performed the bio queen strip. Attitudes would be my number one choice of venue for what I had in mind.  I presented him a rough idea of what I was envisioning. A strip show. A new fashioned, LGBTQ focused strip show.

Charles said Jann, the owner of Attitudes, was just talking how she wanted a new show. He’d talk to her.

Text later that night from Charles, “Jann wants to talk to you.”

Oh? OH! Ohhhhh.. shit was about to get REAL.

That’s how a show concept begins. The basic idea is a tiny snowball. You roll it around in more snow and it becomes an ice packed boulder, ready to take out anyone who stands it in its way.

I took time before our meeting to truly develop the concept. Then I presented it to Jann from Attitudes.

Jann immediately opened her calendar and the only date we both had available was the last Saturday in March.  I thought to myself, “The last saturday is for stripping.  Last Saturday Strip… LAST SATURDAY STRIP!  That’s it. That’s the name!”   That happened at the same moment she asked what we should call the show and I replaced a name I had, but wasn’t happy with.

Now here we are. If Siren, Attitudes Drag Queen Supreme, hadn’t given me the chance to perform at Boot Camp, would this have happened? If Charles hadn’t talked to Jann. If Jann wasn’t looking for shows at that exact moment… If those doors hadn’t opened and I hadn’t busted through and gone I’M HEEEEEEREEEEEEEEEE! Would this have happened? No. Probably not.

Showbiz is talent, yes, but a whole lot of luck and perfect timing.

I am having the most fun I’ve ever had professionally. Taking on the producer role again is like going back to a home where you are embraced, loved, and fed home made fried chicken and mashed taters, and pie.  And then mom does all your laundry and dad gives you rent money and tunes up your car. Then gives you some extra money so you can have some fun. Granted, I’ve never produced a stage show, but it’s not unlike producing for television and I’ve done quite a bit of TV in my day.

We had a rehearsal for Last Saturday Strip at Attitudes the other night. Performers who were available were asked to show up and try out their routines on the stage.

My strategy for the debut show was to hire experienced pros I’ve worked with and could trust. Performers who need little direction or guidance. I knew leading up to my first show that I’d be overwhelmed with demands and wouldn’t have a lot of time to help choreograph routines. I needed a cast that would be innovative and honor the traditions of drag and burlesque, yet be able to break free from some of the restrictions and be innovative.

The cast did not disappoint. In fact, they blew me away.

The burlesque girls quickly adapted to doing a routine on a runway, which we normally don’t have in burlesque but is common in drag.  Burlesque on a runway? SEXY!  Room to do strut walks!

The drag performers went beyond getting on stage and lip synching. They put together stage acts.

I’m a proud mama.

The cast totally got that we are going for a stage show production.  It’s a chance for drag performers to do songs that wouldn’t normally go over well with a drag night crowd.  For burlesque girls to add some gender play or attempt Bio Queening. For everyone to think beyond the typical routine and try on something completely new and perhaps, discover new sides to themselves. Use that stage. Dominate that stage. AND TAKE IT OFF!!

Rehearsal that night lead to another opportunity that I’ll be bringing to Attitudes. I want to announce it while on stage, Saturday, but I’ll put details in this blog next week.

I KNOW people are gonna hate, “But Charlotte- you’re new to all of this.. um… who the hell do you think you ARE?”

I’m Charlotte Sumtimes. I’m a show creator, producer, and performer.

If you are local, come see for yourself.

If you are not local, you know I’ll have full details here next week!

OH lawdy lawdy I have not had time to update this here blog!  I was doing this:

I was doing THAT.

And this.

 The photog swears he did not photoshop my face. That’s all lucky lighting and the fact that this 41 year old rubs snack foods all over her face every night. Preservatives! It does a complexion good!

And some of deees

and oooh how about theees?

All photos by Alton Nichols, a St. Louis photographer who won the photographer prize for the St. Louis Pinup Competition 2011. I met him at the St. Louis Fetish Pinup Competition this past December when I won 1st runner up.  We FINALLY had our schedules in synch to do our own shoot at my house.

I like posting these to show people that confidence=beauty, no matter your body type, age, etc. You just be the most gorgeous you that you want to be. Your life, your rules. Be healthy mentally and physically and be good to others. A good attitude keeps the wrinkles away! Angry people make angry faces and angry faces freeze! FOREVER!

I am writing this only days away from my new show debuting at Attitudes Nightclub.

Wow.

I am LIVING for this show. When not with the children, all of my work thoughts, all of my efforts, all of my imagination, dreams, creativity- it’s all going into Last Saturday Strip. With pleasure!

IS IT SATURDAY YET???

So… how about your love life, Charlotte Sumtimes?

My husband keeps meeting women who live at least six hours away. He met quite a good match, so maybe they can work something out?  She has the same situation as him. Spouse. Kids. Same age. Too bad it’s location challenged!

The Rabbit.. oh honey. Oh you know.  You know… Explosive lovin. Over the top romance. Over the top sex. That’s the role we play with one another. This is the best it’s ever been because we are the healthiest mentally we have ever been.

He’s on a dating service and quickly realizing what all of us who online date know.  One out of every ten may be somewhat alright.. maybe.. if you were really bored. Or also just as fucked up in the head.  Oh the stories I will tell. I’m going to write a post about the online dating world here pretty soon.

I’ve had some SHIT-TEE dates here recently. One in particular who realized in the middle of the date he could NOT handle my world. I took him to Attitudes as a test and am SO glad I did. He started pulling away the second a drag queen crossed his path. If you can’t love my LGBTQ family, then you can’t love me. Buh-bye. See, this is why I make these boys wait for sex. If I had slept with him, THEN realized he was a closed minded fool, I’d have the heebie jeebies right now.

I have tried to write this post for a few days now and keep getting distracted with show duties. How about I come back when those are done? Yes, that’s a fine idea.

Thank you for the well wishes about Woem. Animal lovers know that losing a furry baby is traumatic. They are so full of love. When they die, innocence dies. In today’s world, there isn’t much innocence left. It hurts so much to see a piece of that go.

Let’s talk about Siren’s Boot Camp, a drag show for amateur performers in St. Louis, MO at Attitudes Nightclub.  HI Siren.

Friday night I performed in Drag Boot Camp.  Amateurs take the stage and do their thang,chicken wang. Oh wait. Chicken WANG?!?  No.  No no no.  I don’t want to think about chicken penis.

Some of my friends were like, “Charlotte, you have a show debuting at Attitudes in a few weeks. Why are you doing an amateur show?”  I am BRAND NEW to drag. To even be allowed to perform in a drag show is an honor, especially as a Bio Queen. I love to perform. I love to perform at Attitudes. Each time I take the stage I learn more about myself and the art of performing. Besides, the amateur shows at Attitudes are impressive. Of course there are first timers, but those first timers come armed with stylists. Other performers have been on stage numerous times. This isn’t a slap on a dress and do a half assed job lip synching kind of show. Yeah, it can happen, but competitors know if they want to do Boot Camp, they better bring it HARD.

That and I’m 41 fucking years old, people. There’s a slight freak show element to my schtick.  How fun is that?

That’s JoshyPea!  He’s a Bio King. Impressive makeup and a performance that won audience choice.

Here’s Jenna Cydal. She’s a bio queen who will be performing in Last Saturday Strip.

Another example of AMAZING makeup. Damn that it’s not showing up properly here on my blog. Trust me. It was perfection.

Another example of WOW!

If you take the stage in St. Louis, you better bring your A Game. A stands for A-MAZING.

Here is Aiden Control (also performing in Last Saturday Strip) with special guest Princess Dianal from Glitterbomb.

Confession: When Princess Dianal walked backstage, I turned to my husband and whispered, “WHO is that hot piece of ass?” I did not recognize her as Dianal. I thought it was a new Bio Queen on the scene and I wanted to chat her up.

I performed Ke$ha’s Blow and here’s what it was like.

I came out on stage (pictured above) and the kids in the crowd began singing the song. I love when that happens. It really pumps up a performer.

My style is over the top. I like wild. I like tacky, tacky, tacky. I like being a different me each time, but Charlotte is always FUN.

OF COURSE I’m going to strip. It’s what I DO. The things around my waist are light up doo-dads. I also had them on my wig.  In my hands are light up bars.  My husband handed them to me from the side of the stage and I danced around with them.

I had tested all kinds of ways to fling glitter from my top hat. It did not have the visual impact I wanted.  I collect the discarded feathers when I rehearse with boas. I took the bag of feathers, dumped them into my top hat, put the hat on my head, and when the song says, “We’re young and we’re bored,” I took off the hat and waved it in the air and the feathers went flying.

I LOVE THAT PICTURE OH SO MUCH!!

Then, of course, I had the final boobie reveal. I put the boa back on around my shoulders, eased down the zebra tube top, walked down the runway and on the final beat of the song, did the dramatic boa removal.  No pics of that, but here’s my butt.

That’s not Boot Camp. That’s BUTT camp!

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I love my big ass. I love when the cuties at the clubs ask to grab it and rub it. Share the love, baby!!

At one point, performer Kenadie pointed to my hips and asked, “What do you use for padding?”  I laughed and answered, “Mcdonalds.”  Here’s Kenadie in a dress the entire crowd wanted to rip off her, run, and stash it in our closets!  All sequins (not showing up as dramatically in this pic, but trust me, WOW) and they made a rustling noise when she moved.

Thanks again to Siren for casting me in the show. I love doing Boot Camp. I love performing at Attitudes. It’s such a fun crowd and I cannot wait to show everyone what I have in store for Last Saturday Strip!!