Hello Dollies!

Merry Merry and Happy Happy. Photo courtesy of Insomniac Studios, St. Louis, Missouri.

I’ve been looking for the post I wrote on here last year about how the boyfriend got me in his car, put duct tape over my eyes, took me to a secret location, had his way with me, and when we talked out of the building we were surrounded by cops. I can’t find that post. I thought it would be the perfect best of sex post for 2011.  I mean, come on. Any sex that begins with being abducted by your hot ass boyfriend and ends with  being detained by the cops is some best of the year sex.

I was reminded of that tale  last night as I drove the three agonizingly long blocks to get to Rabbit’s place. Why not walk? It was pouring rain and I have 4 grand worth of hair on my head. Hair,  by the way, that was praised by drag queens. Oh honey, you know you have the best of the  best on your head when the top Queens in town touch and ooooh. “Girl, that is the best extension job I’ve ever seen.”  I’m thrilled to announce that Nikki Jaur has gotten emails, calls, and bookings thanks to me being a walking, talking billboard for her services. My girl Slippery Kitty sees her today to get some bits of bright colors put into her blonde locks. Nikki Jaur of Christopher’s Salon in Clayton. Drag queen approved! And you know Queens are some picky bitches. LOVE THEM!

Oh yeah, I was talking about sex and somehow got talking about my hair. I LOVE MY HAIR!  Seriously, I cannot live without my extensions now. I fucking LOVE THEM and they make me feel so damn sexy when I flip my hair around on stage while shaking this enormous boo-tay.

I’ll get back to the sex in a sec.  I’m reminded of a comment some drunk white girl (more like orange…) made at The Oz during our show. The Oz being a night club where The Thunder Kittens are doing a monthly show.  She was staggering around, all sloppy and nasty, ranting, “There’s no skinny girls! HOw come they’re all so fat?”   We have several girls of medium to thin build. But when you’re sloppy ass drunk shortly after the club opens, you can’t see that, now can you?

Look, I’m about to turn 41. I love me. It’s taken a long ass time to love me. I will not be put down by girls who have to put other girls down to feel important. True women, true beauties, do not have to put others down. Their lives are too full, THEY are too full to be bothered. They just smile and feel sorry for those who get their power jollies by hurting others.Every single woman has something beautiful about her physically. It’s when some open their mouths that the beauty comes into question. Don’t be ugly on the inside, my dollies.

YES. THE SEX!  I’ll talk about that now. How can I resist when this is what I get to munch on?

So I drove to Rabbit’s place and he met me outside, carrying an umbrella. That’s so unlike Rabbit. He’s not Mr. Courteous. He’s the bad boy, remember.I dunno.. lately Rabbit has been pretty in love with me. I know many of you are worried that I am going to get hurt again. Let me address that.

Our breakup with The Librarian was extremely painful. I don’t think she realizes that. I know those in her life don’t. No one will ever get the powerfully painful connection I have with Rabbit. She came into our lives at the wrong time for her, but exactly the right time for me. Not her fault, but she became the victim of our implosion. I was hurting.  I was confused. It was all too much to process. I was losing her and Rabbit at the same time. We all just fell completely apart.

She doesn’t know this, but she changed everything. For the better. That blow up, that break up, was my wake up. I see Rabbit differently. I love him differently. Everyone fears he will destroy me again. I can’t be destroyed anymore. I know how to love him now. I know how to be loved by him. I finally found our balance. I just wish it didn’t have to come at such a high price. She’d probably roll her eyes and say, “Goody for you.” Hopefully one day she will understand she helped shift the power. She changed it all. I will always be grateful.

Back to Rabbit’s place. We go to his room and he immediately strips off his clothes, so I do, too.  We dive under the covers because it’s December like that. He pulls me into his arms and holds me. “I’ve been wanting to hold you against me all day.”  We remain that way for some time. I couldn’t come down. I could not get the stress of the past few weeks out of my head. I knew what I needed and so did Rabbit.

I needed him to take over.

Oh Em Gee!  My hair was one color! It’s NATURAL color! And I look thinner. I’ve gained some weight.  How is it that I started dancing and got fatter? I makes no sense.

Sometimes a powerful woman NEEDS to give up control. I am not a pain slut. I am not into being dominated AT ALL. Unless it’s by Rabbit’s hands. I don’t get it and I don’t want to get it and I don’t really care. I just enjoy.

The sex was rough. Face slapping. Ass slapping. Growling into my ear that I’m a whore. HIS whore. Pinned down. Fucked hard. Not given a break. Not that I ever need or want one. Sometimes a girl likes to play the game of oh this is just way too much. You’re so big. It’s all too much for me.

Har har. It’s never enough.

I burst into tears, as I tend to do when the domination gets rough like that. Never if I am tied up or “scening” as the BDSMers say. Oh here’s something weird. I only let my husband tie me up. I trust him completely in that regard. But my husband does not get rough with me, if that makes sense. Not his style. You have to customize sex and that’s ok! That’s why we are poly. Not one person can be all things to all people. I’m lucky. Sex with my husband is amazing. Sex with the boyfriend is amazing. Go me!

Yeah, so the only time I lose it and begin to cry is with Rabbit and during the actual super rough sex when I’ve been stressed and need a release.  I’m one of those power girls that NEVER gives myself a break. I push push push hard. I’m finding that rough stuff with Rabbit gives me the release I can’t give myself. It’s not the most orgasmic sex of the body. It’s orgasmic of the brain. It’s the release of stress and control. I let go. The tears flow. I release.

Rabbit knows it’s coming. The tears turn him on. To a point. And then he will stop and gather me in his arms and hold me until I come back. After care. Very important in BDSM. He held me. I sobbed. I sighed. I cleaned myself up. I went home.

I drove the three blocks home feeling so calm, so at peace with myself and the world. The rain fell. The Xmas lights sparkled. I sat in my driveway, watching and listening to the rain hitting the windshield.  I didn’t think. I just breathed. In. Out. Big breaths. My heart slowed. I gave in to the calm.

I walked into the house, found paper and markers, and wrote love notes to my daughters for them to find when they woke up in the morning. I cuddled a bit with my husband. I then heard a leaking sound coming from downstairs. OH CRAP there goes my calm! WHAT NOW??? Turns out our washer is off balance. We had to a quick adjustment. Shew!  Nothing else about to break or fall apart or need my attention? No? Good. I climbed into bed and melted into the covers. Peace. Finally.  Peace.

My life and my actions may not be conventional. Sometimes they may be shocking. Or perhaps even tame to those who live life on a wilder level. I write about my life to show and encourage that life is so very very good once you DO YOU for the greater good of you and those in your life. When you make the choices to embrace life, embrace yourself, and embrace those you love, life will embrace you right back.

What’s ahead 2012? 2011 was pretty fierce. Can you top it?  I’m game. I’m ready. Let’s go!

Categories: Advice, Polyamory

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