THe last time I was asked out on a date was by a guy. It was a several months ago, he went out of town before our date, came back, and I didn’t hear from him. When we finally made contact he admitted we could not go out due to something that had happened to him when he was out of town.
Since my brain is a TV show that ranges from a Showtime Original Series to Portlandia style sketch comedy, here’s what I believe happened.
Dude was at the airport on the return portion of his trip, and was suddenly surrounded by security, who whisked him away to a back room. Instead of being interrogated for drug smuggling or terrorism, Security revealed themselves as my Ex Team.
“You do NOT want to go out with Charlotte. Oh sure, she SEEMS like a lot of fun. She can be. She can be a lot of fun. She can also be a demanding pain in the ass, moody, multiple personality, totally hung up on the Rabbit DIVA. You DO know who the Rabbit is, right? The guy she’s totally in love with says he’s totally in love with her, yet constantly fucks up their relationship. Sure, she’ll date you when they aren’t doing well. Once he comes back into her life, all smiles and loves and promises, she’ll go running to back to him. And where will that leave you? Huh? HUH? DO YOU WANT THE KIND OF MENTAL FUCKETRY THAT IS BEING IN THE LIFE OF CHARLOTTE TIMES???”
Here’s my counterpoint. Do you want to date a girl who is well aware of her issues and warns you of them ahead of time, or do you want to date a woman who THINKS she’s together but is actually a big fucking mess? Cuz let’s be honest. We’re ALLLL big fucking messes. Especially those of you who believe you aren’t.
Maybe Dude Who Asked Me Out Then Changed His Mind realized he was in for an unpleasant journey. Maybe he saw my ass pics on Facebook and realized he wasn’t ready for my jelly. Who knows.
I’m a unique flower but it takes a tender touch to make me bloom, in relationships and in my career. It’s like a good boss VS a bad boss. A good boss lets his crew succeed because it makes him look like a good leader. He’s not worried someone will outshine him. The success of his team means he’s a successful boss. He has to manage each member differently because each person brings a unique set of skills AND challenges. How do you help overcome each person’s unique negatives and encourage everyone to grow as individuals AND as a team? How you accomplish this is what retains the talent to make you and your business succeed. Handle someone improperly, especially the edgy types, and they will get discouraged and flee.
Same is true of relationships. If you want to date those who are exciting and a bit off kilter, you have to treat them, “manage” them differently than you would a “normal” person. That’s always been my problem with Rabbit. He is Rabbit. He will always be Rabbit. He likes new, he has a short attention span, and he is incredibly self focused. One moment he’s sweet and loving and TOTALLY into me and the family, and the next he’s blowing off us getting together because he’s distracted with his own interests. I have always “managed” the relationship like he’s a normal dude. He’s not a normal dude.
Text conversation with a friend:
Her: (Looking at professionally photographed pics of me) Has Rabbit seen these?
Me: Yeah.
Her: Is he impressed his girlfriend is so hot?
Me: Dunno
Her: Oh come on!
Me: I honestly don’t know!
Her: If he isn’t impressed then he’s an idiot.
Me: Who knows.
Her: I’d hate to be the woman who follows you.
Me: What does that mean?
Her: Can you imagine dating him and finding out YOU are his other girlfriend?
Me: People don’t see me the way you see me. Or (husband) sees me.
Her: Maybe it’s time you dated someone who does.
Alright Universe. You heard the woman. Now I’m saying it, too. Send me an angel.
If she’s a woman, she HAS to be a background girl who is totally content and does not desire an ounce of local fame. No more girls who claim they are background but secretly desire the spotlight. Spotlight rarely works with spotlight. And please trust me. Spotlight isn’t what it seems.
She has to be a woman who can handle my somewhat of a public life. I’d like to date a woman who is successful in her own right. Maybe she owns a business. Maybe she runs a company. She has to be someone who understands the pressures attempting to achieve or maintain success.She has to be fun. She has to be a woman who can make me laugh. Make me laugh and I’m yours. Oh. She has to have ZERO interest in my husband or Rabbit and I don’t want to be involved with her mate beyond friendship. I want a relationship with a woman that’s ours and ours only. I know that’s where I’ve gone wrong in the past.
If he’s a man, he has to have his shit together. No more men fascinated by the bright and shiny who get bored when the shiny wears off. I’d like a man who is successful in his own right. Intelligent, well read, funny, loves music, the arts, food, and isn’t shy about sex, nor does he have unappealing fetishes. I’m not changing any more diapers, ya dig? (I’m referring to motherhood. I have never dated men with diaper fetishes.) If he is married, his wife HAS to be poly experienced. I don’t want to be involved with her sexually. Three way relationships, I have found, always leave someone feeling left out. Your mileage may vary. Or maybe I’m just too Spotlight for that. SEE? I’m not totally clueless over here, people.
SO what will I give in return?
I honestly believe if paired with the right person, they will bring out the best in me. Isn’t that true of ALL relationships? The best of me is someone who is loving, caring, sexy and sexual, and a lot of fun. The insecurities that are my downfall fade. The drama is re-written as an adventurous comedy. We can lift each other up. Get lost in the love and passion and adventure. Truly be there for one another. Equals. Partners.
So until the skies open and into my lap falls the right person, I shall focus my extra energy on burlesque. My new goal for the year is to be more of an independent entity.
I recently was told I have come on too strong since making my debut. Try a new approach of being more in the background. When you have been on the stage since age 5, and most in a professional capacity, you forget that not everyone knows that or even cares. You’re new. Come off too enthusiastically and it backfires. I, of all people, know that all too well. I was just so excited because I finally found something for the stage that comes so easily, something I LOVE so much. I couldn’t help but constantly offer up ideas and energy. That love, that excitement, always clouds my sensible side. In career and in love.
I’m learning. Never stop learning. Never stop growing.
